Oh hi, blog! I’m back! #busy #iamback

Dear blog,

I miss you! How are you? I realize that things have changed a little since the last time I blogged, which, according to wordpress, was about a month ago. A month! Holy crap! I used to blog so often. Did I mention I miss you?

You see, blog, I am chasing a goal. It’s a difficult goal, and I’m trying to catch it. Catching it involves doing things like studying cell respiration and naming chemical reactions. My goal is to become a nurse.

But I digress. 

Blog, my bigger regrets in life (other than my tattoos) are the fact that I spent most of my teens and 20s taking the path of least resistance. If there was an opportunity to do something cool or new or DIFFERENT, I did not take it. Instead, I opted for the path of Stuff I’d Already Done Before and Felt Comfortable With. Like a pair of jeggings or well-worn yoga pants, I did not put on skinny jeans and heels and rock it.

Now I’m trying to rock it. It’s hard.

And when it feels overwhelming, which it often does, I remind myself that not only am I chasing a dream, I’m doing something NEW AND DIFFERENT AND CHALLENGING AND SCARY and that is a good thing. This is definitely the path of (most?) resistance and that is something completely new for me. But I won’t regret this. 

So, Blog, I can’t guarantee I’ll blog more often or regularly, or even continue you much. But I’ll try. 

Wish me luck, blog!



PS. See, I’m still nursing, so some things never change. 



A Letter to the World from Cousin It

Dear World,

I am Cousin It. My hair is as straight and fine as a pin, and if my mom doesn’t put it in a ponytail, it falls directly into my eyes. I also have a bit of a mullet thing going on in the back, but my mom isn’t yet ready to take me for my first haircut.

See that hair?

I nurse 235235 times a day, for about 10 seconds each time. When I want to nurse, I stick my hand down my mom’s shirt and squeeze her chest. She usually gets the hint.

When I’m done nursing I simply walk away, leaving my mom’s boob hanging out. This is also convenient during those times when I’m not done nursing but simply distracted, and I want to come back for more nursies in a few minutes or an hour or three. I like it when my nursies are ready for me immediately. Lifting up her shirt takes such effort.

Although I will nap easily I do not like to SLEEP; even when I’m in my parents’ bed I try my best to avoid it. I would much rather walk around their room, opening up every dresser drawer and removing all the clothes.

Who me, tired? NONSENSE!

I especially do not like to sleep when I’m tired, and it’s dark and everyone else is sleeping. 

Some people have suggested that my mom stop nursing me. To which I reply, “Are you kidding me?!?!?!” Nursing has a lot of benefits — especially for my mom. She still counts milk-making as an excuse to eat 2325 extra calories per day

“I’ll take a large pizza with cheese and bacon. And a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie. Kthnxbai.”

Those same people think I should sleep through the night by now — especially because I was sleeping a good stretch of eight hours per night several months ago. To which I reply, “I’m just trying to keep it interesting!” Usually I wake up around 1am and my dad brings me into my parents’ bed, where I nurse and invade my mom’s personal space until the alarm goes off at 6am, at which point I spring to life.

To those who disagree with how I live my life, I eagerly await your direction on these matters. Please bear in mind that I am not yet 14 months old, so try to use small words. My parents recognizes this, which is why they continue to meet all my needs in a (relatively) timely manner. 


Cousin It

My sisters and me. How cute are we?

A Breastfeeding Deer in Headlights Moment

Tuesday night I dragged my lonely self to a Book Club. I love reading. I love discussing books I read. I must love Book Clubs! We went to Melting Pot, which is an awesome if somewhat gimmicky restaurant. But oh, the chocolate dessert! I digress.

There were seven women there, all in their 30s and 40s and I was the only mom. Oops, I’ve now gone way outside my comfort zone! It was like I went on vacation from North Carolina with the intention of going to Florida, and instead I overshot it and ended up at the South Pole.

(Later, when I told My Chemical Romance about the women there, he was all, “Weird. What were they LIKE?!?!?!” I had Animal and Mineral within a year of graduating college, and I met him within a year of that. I know nothing of this married-professional-couple thing, or what they do or what they like. Although it seems to involve a lot of wine-drinking [blech] and outdoorsy stuff on weekends [fun!].)

Anyway, once we’d established that I was The Token Mom, several of them asked for Christmas present suggestions for their nieces and nephews (my answers were mostly Legos for boys, dress up stuff for girls) and one of them asked about nursing. This particular woman said she works with someone who still nurses her 18mo (Quell horreur!) and just didn’t get it.

It was a total deer in headlights moment. If I’d known this woman for more than an hour at a Book Club, I would have said that I TOTALLY GOT IT, that back when I met fuckface (Animal and Mineral’s birth dad), he had a child who was still nursing at nearly 3 years old and I was all DUDE HOW WEIRD IS THAT?!?!? and YOUR BABY MAMA IS CRAZY, YO. But I wasn’t sure I wanted to open that can of worms (fuckface, being a single mom of twins, meeting My Chemical Romance online and how he  we got married and then he adopted Animal and Mineral, blah blah blah).

So I said the lamest thing ever: “Nursing is really nice!”

Just like soup! And 60* days in December! And finding a check for $5 in your mailbox! 

Ugh. I wasn’t selling it. I wasn’t even convinced to nurse, based on that glowing review. Nursing is better than the cheese fondue course? Nursing is almost as good as fresh chocolate covered bananas? 

Later I thought of what I could have said: “Nursing is incredibly challenging at first — in my experience, and from what I have heard from other moms. A lot of moms give up in the beginning, but if you hang in there, it becomes really easy and even enjoyable — again, my experience and also what I’ve heard. Mostly it just becomes second nature after a certain amount of time. I nurse Porcelain five or six times a day — in the morning, before and after naps and before bed, and during the night — and other times if we’re sitting somewhere and she’s bored or tired or wants to nurse. After a while it becomes so normal that stopping it for arbitrary reasons — like because she’s a year old, or whatever — would be more trouble than just continuing.”

I’m not sure that would have sold her on it. But maybe when she becomes a mom, she will see what I’m talking about.


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