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A Breastfeeding Deer in Headlights Moment

Tuesday night I dragged my lonely self to a Book Club. I love reading. I love discussing books I read. I must love Book Clubs! We went to Melting Pot, which is an awesome if somewhat gimmicky restaurant. But oh, the chocolate dessert! I digress.

There were seven women there, all in their 30s and 40s and I was the only mom. Oops, I’ve now gone way outside my comfort zone! It was like I went on vacation from North Carolina with the intention of going to Florida, and instead I overshot it and ended up at the South Pole.

(Later, when I told My Chemical Romance about the women there, he was all, “Weird. What were they LIKE?!?!?!” I had Animal and Mineral within a year of graduating college, and I met him within a year of that. I know nothing of this married-professional-couple thing, or what they do or what they like. Although it seems to involve a lot of wine-drinking [blech] and outdoorsy stuff on weekends [fun!].)

Anyway, once we’d established that I was The Token Mom, several of them asked for Christmas present suggestions for their nieces and nephews (my answers were mostly Legos for boys, dress up stuff for girls) and one of them asked about nursing. This particular woman said she works with someone who still nurses her 18mo (Quell horreur!) and just didn’t get it.

It was a total deer in headlights moment. If I’d known this woman for more than an hour at a Book Club, I would have said that I TOTALLY GOT IT, that back when I met fuckface (Animal and Mineral’s birth dad), he had a child who was still nursing at nearly 3 years old and I was all DUDE HOW WEIRD IS THAT?!?!? and YOUR BABY MAMA IS CRAZY, YO. But I wasn’t sure I wanted to open that can of worms (fuckface, being a single mom of twins, meeting My Chemical Romance online and how he  we got married and then he adopted Animal and Mineral, blah blah blah).

So I said the lamest thing ever: “Nursing is really nice!”

Just like soup! And 60* days in December! And finding a check for $5 in your mailbox! 

Ugh. I wasn’t selling it. I wasn’t even convinced to nurse, based on that glowing review. Nursing is better than the cheese fondue course? Nursing is almost as good as fresh chocolate covered bananas? 

Later I thought of what I could have said: “Nursing is incredibly challenging at first — in my experience, and from what I have heard from other moms. A lot of moms give up in the beginning, but if you hang in there, it becomes really easy and even enjoyable — again, my experience and also what I’ve heard. Mostly it just becomes second nature after a certain amount of time. I nurse Porcelain five or six times a day — in the morning, before and after naps and before bed, and during the night — and other times if we’re sitting somewhere and she’s bored or tired or wants to nurse. After a while it becomes so normal that stopping it for arbitrary reasons — like because she’s a year old, or whatever — would be more trouble than just continuing.”

I’m not sure that would have sold her on it. But maybe when she becomes a mom, she will see what I’m talking about.


4 Responses

  1. Guess what? I too have no idea about these childless, married, professionals. Already had my 1st when I married my now husband and then just went on from there. He adopted my 1st as his own. Cool to find someone I DO have something in common with (other than a name.) 🙂 P.S. Love your “blog name” for bio-dad of the boys. Ha, ha!

    • Thanks, Erica! Sadly it describes him pretty well. When my kids are older, they can read the court documents about how he tried to block My Chemical Romance from adopting them for no reason… le sigh.

  2. I’m sure that woman will hear about breastfeeding from a lot of sources besides you. You gave a positive answer, and that will add to her overall impression of breastfeeding. I don’t think you struck out on that one at all!

    Though you inspire me to come up with a stock answer for the next time someone asks me about breastfeeding.

    • Thanks Sheila. I have the typical answer when I talk to a fellow mom, but a single professional woman — I rarely encounter those (at least, above the age of 18 or 19) and I was really dumbfounded.

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