A Letter to the World from Cousin It

Dear World,

I am Cousin It. My hair is as straight and fine as a pin, and if my mom doesn’t put it in a ponytail, it falls directly into my eyes. I also have a bit of a mullet thing going on in the back, but my mom isn’t yet ready to take me for my first haircut.

See that hair?

I nurse 235235 times a day, for about 10 seconds each time. When I want to nurse, I stick my hand down my mom’s shirt and squeeze her chest. She usually gets the hint.

When I’m done nursing I simply walk away, leaving my mom’s boob hanging out. This is also convenient during those times when I’m not done nursing but simply distracted, and I want to come back for more nursies in a few minutes or an hour or three. I like it when my nursies are ready for me immediately. Lifting up her shirt takes such effort.

Although I will nap easily I do not like to SLEEP; even when I’m in my parents’ bed I try my best to avoid it. I would much rather walk around their room, opening up every dresser drawer and removing all the clothes.

Who me, tired? NONSENSE!

I especially do not like to sleep when I’m tired, and it’s dark and everyone else is sleeping. 

Some people have suggested that my mom stop nursing me. To which I reply, “Are you kidding me?!?!?!” Nursing has a lot of benefits — especially for my mom. She still counts milk-making as an excuse to eat 2325 extra calories per day

“I’ll take a large pizza with cheese and bacon. And a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie. Kthnxbai.”

Those same people think I should sleep through the night by now — especially because I was sleeping a good stretch of eight hours per night several months ago. To which I reply, “I’m just trying to keep it interesting!” Usually I wake up around 1am and my dad brings me into my parents’ bed, where I nurse and invade my mom’s personal space until the alarm goes off at 6am, at which point I spring to life.

To those who disagree with how I live my life, I eagerly await your direction on these matters. Please bear in mind that I am not yet 14 months old, so try to use small words. My parents recognizes this, which is why they continue to meet all my needs in a (relatively) timely manner. 

Sincerely,

Cousin It

My sisters and me. How cute are we?

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4 Responses

  1. SOOOOO cute, Cousin It, SOOOOOO cute!! I think I need a Cousin It for my house. Will you make me one? =0) Although I have my own version. She will be one on Thursday. She was nearly born on a toilet, but at the hospital. But she is not an exact replica. I think I want an exact replica AS WELL AS my baby.

    Don’t you find that the more you have, the faster it goes? I’m all, who told you you could grow up?!??!!

  2. I taught my Amarys to sign “milk” for nursing and I now regret it. She’s “milk”ing me all the time just for the joy of having me hang my boob out and leave it there…. “Ah yes! Boob! Nice to see you again, I haven’t seen you in oh, four minutes or so. Missed you! We should do lunch.”

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