Conversations with Homeschoolers

After last week’s post about the ridiculous conversation I overheard between public school moms, here’s two conversations between homeschool moms in which one of the moms acts like a nincompoop (hint: I’m in both conversations)


Friday was Cary Homeschoolers’ annual Not Back to School Park Potluck. Last year, I was miserable. This year, merely moronic.

Incident One

Me, to acquaintance I hadn’t seen in a while: “So, what are your kids doing this year?”
I was expecting to hear things like, a science co-op or Odyssey of the Mind.

She <beaming>: “Oh! We start at 8:00am and go til 3:00pm, at their desks. I could start earlier than 8:00AM, but I like to get in a run on the treadmill while they’re eating breakfast and getting dressed. First is math, then language arts, a writing prompt and journaling. Then we study history and geography. After a quick break for lunch we do Latin and Greek, then math drills. They’re also also learning Spanish and Mandarin. Three afternoons a week they take science classes — physics and biology. There’s also Tae Kwon Do and gymnastics in the afternoons. And swim practice. My son wants to take guitar lessons, but there just isn’t enough time in the day!”

Me: “Wow… how old are they, again?” (I literally was struck dumb, I couldn’t think of anything else to say.)

She: “Nine and Eleven.” <Beams again> “They just love it!”

Me: “So did the Branch Davidians!”

(Flickr: Brennan Moore)

And incident two, with a different mom —

Me: “So I keep suggesting to my neighbor that she join CHS. She’s homeschooling, but she won’t join, for some reason.”

(For the record, CHS is a large, open organization that’s basically comprised of a giant email loop. It’s free, and you can be as involved — or uninvolved — as you want.)

She <noncommittal> “Hmmm.”

Me: “I wonder if it’s because she’s LDS. You know, when she told me she was LDS (which happened after we discussed Cub Scouts; LDS boys do Cub Scouts through their church) all I could think was, Sacred Undergarments! Sacred Undergarments! Stop thinking about Sacred Undergarments! Sacred Undergarments!”

She: “I’m LDS.”

Me: Sacred Undergarments! Sacred Undergarments! Sacred Undergarments! “I’m not thinking of sacred undergarments right now.”

This is not what I was thinking of. (Flickr: Ephemeral Scraps)

I’m actually twelve and despite the fact that I attended public school for 17 years, I’m very poorly socialized!


4 Responses

  1. Ha ha ha! Sacred undergarments. THAT was hilarious =) Nice work, foot in mouth girl. I never do shit like that.

  2. That first story is TOTALLY how I was homeschooled. Except we usually kept going till five or six p.m. My mom had a rule that once my dad got home, we had to stop homeschooling whether we were done or not … because we often weren’t. I asked her why and she said, “Well, my rule was six hours of school a day, but you NEVER were really working and focused for that long! We had to make up all the time you spent being distracted.”

    Now, I’ve taught at real school. Six working, focused hours? Heck, who has a fulltime job and gets in six hours of real work a day?

    And yet somehow I turned out okay. If somewhat socially stunted and knowing too many dead languages.

  3. This made me LOL at 6am! NOTHING makes me giggle this early in the morning. Well, except for exhaustion-induced delirium, but that’s different. I totally think of the sacred LDS undergarments, too!

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