The Seabreeze Series by Abbi Glines: Marry, Screw, Kill

Quick summaries:

Breathe
Teenage girl with very irresponsible mother works as a domestic in a rockstar’s summer home in Seabreeze, Alabama. (I suppose it’s somewhat believable that a rockstar would want a summer home in the middle of nowhere, right? The paparazzi wouldn’t know where to find him.) Love ensues.

Because of Low
Side character from Breathe — guy who was interested in domestic girl but she MISTAKENLY chose the rockstar over him — gets his own story. Moves in with a player while his parents are divorcing. Meets player’s BFF, who happens to be a hot girl. Love ensues.

While It Lasts
Player from Because of Low gets his own story. After a DUI, he gets sent to work at a ranch where there’s a hot, grieving (because her fiancé died in Baghdad) farmer’s daughter. Love (and sex! Hot sex!) ensue.

Further discussion via the “Marry, Screw, Kill” game based on this series —

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Why you should MARRY Breathe
It’s sweet, romantic, charming, rich and a fantastical story.

Why you should SCREW Breathe
You shouldn’t. She’s only in high school, for heaven’s sake! Perv!

Why you should KILL Breathe
Because the characters are aliens from the planet of never-using-a-contraction when they think, speak or act. Obviously these intruders need to be removed from society so we can all continue to speak in LOLCAT form.

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Why you should MARRY Because of Low
Because there’s a rich father slash husband slash adulterous boyfriend who owns a Mercedes dealership and will probably get you a great car and you can move from Seabreeze, AL, to the booming metropolis of Mobile, AL.

Why you should SCREW Because of Low
You shouldn’t. You could end up related to your girlfriend’s niece and that would be quite awkward at family dinners.

Why you should KILL Because of Low
Because it is the single worst-edited book in the history of the world (yes, I’m including 50 Shades in this list, and the Ben-Hur-esque nightmare that is Love, Unscripted). This was clearly author Abbi Glines nod toward experimental novel writing where “experimental” means “not using any commas; punctuating badly; and changing tenses constantly.”

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Why you should MARRY While It Lasts
You shouldn’t. It’s either a player with a very wild sexual history, an innocent farmer’s daughter whose daddy knows how to use a gun, or another casualty in the “war on terror.”

Why you should SCREW While It Lasts
Because. It’s. Hot.

Why you should KILL While It Lasts
You shouldn’t. Hasn’t there been enough grief already in this novel? Eva’s mom AND her fiancé are dead. Cage has no family.

Final decision

MARRY: Breathe
SCREW: While It Lasts***
KILL: Because of Low

*** While It Lasts has replaced Easy by Tammara Webber, as my favorite “mature” YA fiction.

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4 Responses

  1. Sounds like a better title is: “Don’t Waste Your Time Reading……”

  2. While It Lasts was great!

  3. i’ve discovered your blog. it’s very funny. i looove that series but Breathe isn’t my fav. Cage is hot indeed… Will keep reading your reviews! thanks, marion

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