A Visit to a Woman’s Doctor

I saw a woman’s doctor today. I sat in the waiting room, which was populated mostly by pregnant woman who looked like they have no idea what they’re in for really excited and happy. I saw the doctor. She didn’t have any make up on, which I admire, because lately I have to wear make up otherwise I resemble a mugshot from Faces of Meth.

I went in because I’m trying to get an endometrial ablation. I have several reasons, but mostly because I want to stop losing iron every month via my period.

The saddest part is that I JUST BOUGHT some more cloth pads. Yes, of course I use cloth pads. And a divacup.

Because I’m Worth It (Flickr)

Recently one of my Jugs decided to switch to using a Divacup and cloth pads. She said, “My vagina deserves better.” I think that’s a great tagline. Divacup and cloth pads: Because Your Vagina Deserves the Best.

So, I met with the doctor, who was really nice, and we talked about my really low iron and my recent infusion and possibility of needing more infusions.  She talked about the procedure and said I was a good candidate for it. Then she asked me if I had any questions for her.

I said, “Have you read ’50 Shades of Grey’?”

She said yes.

I said, “You know that part where Christian pays for an Ob-Gyn to come to his apartment and examine Ana and give her a prescription for birth control pills?”

She said yes.

The doctor will see you now, Miss Steele (Flickr: aeu04117)

I said, “How much would that cost? Is that really ethical?”

She said, “I know that there are doctors who work as on-call physicians for wealthy patients, but that’s usually general practitioners…”

I said, “I understand that, so that you can avoid spending hours in an ER or at urgent care for stitches. But a gynecologist for someone ELSE? Someone who isn’t you? How is that okay? I mean, what if he was trying to teach her about her vagina and how it works since she’s 21 and has never even TOUCHED HERSELF before she met him coerce her into weird sex things and she was like, ‘help me help me,’ and he was like, ‘get her on birth control pills NOW so I can screw her mercilessly at my every whim!'”

She said, “Yeah, the ethics board would most likely have a problem with that. But really, that’s the least offensive thing that happens in that book.”

Also, I found the pap smear very fast and not totally uncomfortable, and she had this book in her office. Totally outdated — but also AWESOME!

Hotter than 50 Shades. By far.

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