Neighbor Compatibility Profile

Our next-door neighbors are moving. I’m not talking about the ones who gave a tight smile and replied, “Yes. We noticed,” just after we moved in when I introduced myself and mentioned we had five kids and a dog. Nor the one who came over with chocolate cream puffs!

It’s the neighbors who invited us over for dinner on our first night here; gave me a spice rack when I was unpacking the kitchen; and have a daughter who became The Informant’s immediate BFF — and always compliments my cooking.

I’m sad. J&J have been the best neighbors we’ve ever had — and we have had a lot of neighbors. (I’m thinking back… two places in San Diego, one in Arizona, two in Charlotte.) The Informant loves being next-door to her BFF, and I love being able to run over and say hi. I was the person who told J that Whitney Houston had died. We’re both in our mid-thirties, so that was quite a shock.

But life moves on, and as I believe in the power of positive thinking, here’s some qualities I want in my next neighbors:

1. Must love dogs
Our neighbor’s house is the first place Maizey goes when she escapes our backyard; also, she’s a herding breed who uses her bark to keep order in the backyard. It will be good if they don’t even notice (like I don’t notice).


Doesn’t she look quiet? HA.

2. Children preferred
I’d love another family who had girls for The Informant and My Masterpiece to play with. This neighborhood already has a bunch of boys. (Note: every place we’ve lived has had a high boy:girl ratio.)

3. Teenagers Acceptable
Particularly if they babysit. Bonus for cheaply and last-minute. Also, this might give me an idea of what my life will be like in a few years when I have a bunch of teenagers in the house.

But not these ones! (Flickr/kamshots)

4. No Cats
There’s nothing that ruins a perfectly good potential friendship like those weird furry things to which I’m highly allergic. That basically guarantees that while we might be friendly, we will never be great friends. Mostly because any hanging out will thus occur at my house, and here’s the thing — I need an escape!

5. Reader

I’d prefer someone who reads as much as I do, wants to share books — maybe even has an actual library in their house. I have always thought that OWNING BOOKS is the height of extravagance. I mean, most people only read a book once, so buying a book is like buying a wedding dress (which my mom always said was a waste of money, a dress you’re only going to wear ONE TIME IN YOUR LIFE, FOR JUST A FEW HOURS. There are starving children in Malawi, for god’s sake! I still got married in a wedding dress.).

This might be the reason I get so excited when I am gifted with books. Book! For me! To read and keep and put on a shelf and reference! (Also, because On the Island is awesome and I want to read it 16 more times.

Wish me luck! J&J move out in June.

And now presenting MOMMYBLOGGERFASHIN’

Credit: The Informant

Hair: unwashed for two or three (?) days. Continually running late, keep saying I’ll wash it tomorrow. Ponytail plus headband that keeps all the fly-aways back!

Face: washed with Kiss My Face Oil Olive soap, because Cosmetic Database says it won’t kill me or give me skin cancer. Forgot to put on any makeup. Normally I wear a little.

Glasses:, the best eyeglass place on the web.

Shirt: Croft&Barrow from Kohl’s. Already stained. (Why did I buy a white shirt? It’s going to be decades before I can wear a white shirt without fear of a child staining me.)

Shorts: Calvin Klein overstock, purchased at Costco.

Shoes: Toms. Because they are super comfy and I love them.


4 Responses

  1. Okay, WHERE is the “like” button for the post?? Hmmm? How can I spread the brilliance around if it doesn’t automatically link to everything? You really expect me to copy the link? Seriously? (Just trying to boost your pageranks.)

    Love this

  2. Your neighbor compatibility? Grand effort and design! If it tells you how things have been in my neck of the sub-division over the past several years, I am past the point of thinking of compatibility and just hoping that the next family who moves in doesn’t get (and I am not kidding) 1,500 hundred complaint phone calls to the HOA in one single month.

    Ahhh! And that won’t egg your car if you recommend that laying down in the middle of the street is, perhaps, dangerous as a pass time. But I digress…

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