Missing My Friends

Every Sunday morning, I get a recap of the previous night’s Jugs. Currently, local (Charlotte area) Jugs sits at five: Miss Manners, Stitches, Nice-Nice, Prom Queen and Lady Beaver of the Syllables. I’m in Raleigh — and I haven’t been back since March because I’m still recovering from surgery — while Mary F. Poppins is in Portland and our new Jug doesn’t live in Charlotte yet.

I miss them. Nice-Nice and Stitches had their babies, and it bothers me that I haven’t met them yet. I want to be there for my friends while they make these big life transitions. Hell, I want to be there for tiny little non-important stuff too.

New Juglets!

I once heard us — Jugs, collectively — referred to as exclusive or clique-y, and snobby.

“How dare they label us…” I started to say, deeply offended, and then finished with, “completely accurately.”

It’s true — maybe not the snobby part, so much, but we are exclusive. Not because we don’t welcome others, but at this point Jugs has been together for over two years, and it would be difficult to catch them up to speed.

You must do the secret Jug arm wrestle move to join us!

Just sharing my epic butt history could take hours. And would include a video that Miss Manners took when she accompanied me to an appointment with Dr. McSweetcheeks in which he went spelunking, as I call it.

But Jugs is special, I know that. We’re a group of diverse women. Three Jugs are not American. Half of us work outside the home, the other half are “just” moms. We have very different backgrounds — one Jug worked as a clown, and actually lived in a cave for years.

What we have in common is that we’re all attachment-moms, and we’ve all breastfed (hence the name Jugs!)

But really our most salient feature is that we each put a premium on our time together. We are all busy and tired and stressed — but we always show up for Jugs anyway. Sometimes we’re late, sometimes we have to bring a kid or two with us — or leave early to get home — but we’re there. (The great Jugs Plague of early 2011 notwithstanding. We each got the flu. It sucked.)

Anyone could find a group of friends and have their own Jugs. But I don’t have Jugs here, and I’ve never had Jugs in any of the other places which I’ve lived. It takes commitment. It takes willingness. It takes trusting and honesty, and an equal desire for close friendship and companionship.

At Nice-Nice, Stitches and our new Jug's shower/blessing ceremony party!

We’re not snobs, but we know what we have is special. Don’t waste time thinking about us; go try to make or find your own Jugs!

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5 Responses

  1. I think the “exclusivity” thing is also due to the fact that we share very personal things in our group. The trust factor is vital. If we let “outsiders” drift in and out of the group, we’d either have to install a filter between our brains and mouths (and what fun is that?) or we’d have to be concerned that our (VERY) private business is going to get “out there” too far and too wide for our comfort. I don’t think it has anything to do with snobbery because we don’t think we’re better than anyone else. If someone doesn’t get an invite, it may be because they already are perceived as having too much of a life. We like a certain small degree of neediness, because that indicates a willingness to sacrifice and commit to the group, which fosters a close bond.

    • Very good point. I don’t share EVERYTHING with EVERYONE (just most things with most people). I also agree about people who actually have a life. You have to really put in effort — and have that desire AND time — to be a good friend.

  2. I am content to just be a Jugs fan. But I might would make a spinoff called bags……for the ones under my eyes. Lol. You guys have something special and when that happens…..ya gonna have some hateration goin on. Carry on Jugs!

  3. Very well put, Erika and Miss Manners! I totally agree. It’s not about exclusivity in a snobby sense, it’s about having a group of friends that we can share our deepest secrets with. I couldn’t go out and tell everyone I meet about all my issues. Jugs is my safe space. I wish everyone had a Jugs! I think the world would be a better place 🙂

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