Never a Bridesmaid

The title of this post is a lie. I have been a bridesmaid once — when my step-sister got married, in 1992, when I was 13. She got married on the fourth of July and I wore a blue dress and blue eye shadow. No, my mom can’t scan in a picture. You’ll just have to take my word for it, how awesome I looked!

And actually, I haven’t been to very many weddings. A friend of My Chemical Romance’s; my best friend from college and… I think that’s it.

But it’s not because I’m so beautiful.

Yes, it’s yet another response to that blog post about the challenges of being beautiful — according to the author, it’s all because sad ugly trolls women hate beautiful women. And she knows this first-hand because she’s so beautiful that all women hate her and she’s NEVER BEEN A BRIDESMAID. FOR SHAME!

My college BFF, getting pretty to be a bridesmaid in my wedding in 2003!

To which I say: Oh, come on! Who wants to wear an ugly dress and shoes dyed to match?!?!

But seriously, it’s probably not because you’re such a wretched self-absorbed beautiful woman. It’s probably because you missed your window. That’s what happened with me.

You see, my friends and I graduated from college, and most of them went off to do Teach for America or to find other ways of mitigating their white privilege (like going to law school to become public defenders so they could represent the indigent). Or they were professional students. And I stayed in Ann Arbor and worked at Kinkos and waitressed. And then I got pregnant with Animal and Mineral. Then I met My Chemical Romance. Then we got married and moved to San Diego. Then I was a stay-at-home wife and mom of two.

My Chemical Romance and Animal at a picnic in Coronado just after we got married.

Once I was a mom of two kids, I sought out mom friends. I joined the San Diego Moms of Multiples club and attended weekly playgroups (I credit them with teaching me to get around San Diego before smartphones and Mapquest). Anyway, as all my friends were moms, and most of them had gotten married before they had kids (as you do), I totally missed their weddings. Often by several years.

When we moved to Arizona, we lived in a really small town on the border that had a large military presence. Again, I joined a group of moms — and again I’d missed my window. This time I’d missed it by a lot because many of them had gotten married as teenagers or at age 20, to their high-school sweethearts who had then joined the military.

With my Arizona BFF, Ang, in 2006, just after she had her fourth baby. I was her doula! She was a Marine wife.

So, to the dear dear overly-beautiful blog writer who bemoans the fact that she’s never been a bridesmaid due to her visage, and looks forward to getting old and ugly, I can only say this —

those of us who get even more beautiful as we age, we might not have ever been bridesmaids either. It’s not all about looks. I’m just sayin’.

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2 Responses

  1. I have never been a bridesmaid, and it is definitely because I’m so gorgeous! (I was matron of honor for my sister, though… I think she felt obligated, despite my ravishing looks.)

  2. WOW that explains my life! Thank you for this eye-opening post!

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