I’ve attended several book clubs since moving here — Yuppies with Puppies, Blue Hairs and Shares and Snobby White Women with Lots of Time On Their Well-Manicured Hands.
Here’s what they all have in common:
1. There’s always one woman who sits there with a pained expression like attending book club is some kind of torture
She says nothing. And I’m constantly wondering, Why are you here? This does not seem enjoyable for you. ARE YOU PART OF WITNESS PROTECTION AND THIS IS YOUR COVER?!?!?!?!
2. On the opposite side of the room, is a woman who makes a lot of jokes that only she laughs at and talks way too loudly.
This may come as a surprise to many but I am not actually that woman! No, really. I’m not. I joke only about the book/books in general, and after spending all day with the kids, I speak fairly quietly.
3. There’s a bitter divorcee who bitches about everything
The Hunger Games SUCKED. My ex-husband SUCKS. People who don’t want to read Cutting for Stone because it’s 700 pages long and full of detailed explanations of bowel dissection surgery that no non-medical person ever needs to read SUCK. (But I’m not talking about anyone in particular.) In fact, all people who don’t want to read SUCK. I’m just going to sit here sprawled on a chair with my dare-you-to-defy-me body language and glower at everyone who eats the pound cake. Because I’m on a diet.
4. They Hustle Out Like There’s a Fire
Or, as I might say, They leave with very little fanfare. Book club is over and they’re out. No THANKS SEE YOU NEXT MONTH THIS WAS REALLY FUN I LIKE WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT PEETA SOUNDING LIKE THE TYPE OF BREAD RATHER THAN LIKE “PETER” AND HOW IT’S ALL BECAUSE OF SOCIETY’S DEPENDENCE ON REALITY TV THAT SOMETHING LIKE THE HUNGER GAMES COULD EXIST IN THE VERY NEAR FUTURE. Instead it’s like a bum-rush for the door and maybe a quick wave as the door slams behind them. What the heck? Have I been out of society for so long that it’s now considered rude to ask if the hostess wants help with putting the food away?
Next month I’m having a book club for the co-op moms, and I sincerely hope that they disprove all these stereotypes!