Buying Castor Oil

So a few weeks ago I started the Oil Cleaning Method for washing my face. I like it. It’s taken a while for my face to heal from reaction-to-no-longer-using-SLS-shampoo-Gate, but my skin feels smoother and more even. And — surprisingly — way less oily. The castor oil is drying, but I’m going to keep going with it. I was very oily for a long time.

Here’s what happened when I went to buy Castor Oil. I was staying with Miss Manners for the weekend and we decided to try the OCM. I got a little thrill, like we were in high school and dyeing hair or doing some beauty project together, rather than 30-something wives and mothers who should probably be considering botox.

I felt a little weird about buying castor oil. The last time I bought it, I was 9+ months pregnant with My Masterpiece and trying to have a baby. This time… I just wanted to wash my face. Still, there’s something about buying castor oil. It’s like announcing that you WANT diarrhea or need a laxative after you eat. Plus, my face was all red and pimply and bumpy.

But of course I convinced myself that none of that mattered — who the hell NOTICES what you buy when you shop at a drugstore? — and I was just being self-absorbed. Nobody would bat an eye.

I got to the cash register, castor oil in hand, along with some candy. Standing at the register was the manager and a cashier, and the manager nodded to my hand. “Castor oil, huh?” he asked, giving me a once-over.

GIVING ME A ONCE-OVER!

I am not as skinny as I once was

I was very cold and looked like Skeletor. This was Pre-Cousin It.

But for the love of god, I do NOT look like I’m pregnant! Nor would I buy Castor Oil just because I’m eating some candy. Jeez.

I stuttered something like, “There are many uses for castor oil.” Which is 100% true.

The manager nodded. He said, “My wife took it once…”

Now I was really at a loss. AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES ABOUT THE RULES OF CONVERSATION?!?!?! Discussing Castor Oil is right up there with things NOT to say, along with offering pot to neighbors. I did not want to hear why his wife took castor oil. I did not want to discuss why I was taking castor oil. I just wanted to get the damn castor oil (and the candy) and go back to Miss Manners’ house and wash my face!

I didn’t feel like staring blankly at the store manager (lest I commit this moment to memory forever and ever) so I stared at the floor for a while and finally, finally, FINALLY, he got the message and went outside (to smoke! I saw him while I was leaving! for shame!) and I purchased my castor oil in peace and went back to Miss Manners’ house to wash my face with oil.

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