So, this happened:
This was a three-step process of decision making: (1) to cook eggs and bacon for dinner (2) to put Porcelain in the Learning Tower but (3) not to move her to the exact center of the room, where her octopus-like arms inflict the least amount of damage.
Instead, I, veteran mother of five children who have never broken a bone — we just recently had our first experience with stitches! First experience! After nine years of parenting! Including twin boys! — put her right by the countertop, with the carton of eggs nearby.
This is my life, in an eggshell. Including My Masterpiece, in the background, smiling adorably.