Reason #325235 I’m glad I’m not in my 20s anymore

I do not have to pretend to like alcohol.

I don’t think I’ve ever liked alcohol, but when I was in my 20s — and let’s be honest, my late teens — I would drink anyway. Why?– because everyone did it. Because I felt uncomfortable in my own skin and it seemed like the only way to loosen up (somewhat legally). It just seems like the thing to do.

And I do like loosening up a little the way I do after I’ve choked down a drink, but the thing is I hate the taste of alcohol.

Beer: Carbonation is gross.

Champagne: same.

Wine: “Oooh, I’m so sophisticated and I’m pairing it with my fancy dinner but it still tastes nasty.” Fail.

Tequila: I throw up in my mouth a little bit every time I smell it, remembering this time in college that I was nervous before going out with some guy and so I decided to drink enough tequila to… throw up all night, and proceeded to throw up all night. I don’t think he was impressed.

Vodka: I will choke it down when mixed with copious amounts of orange juice. If I’m under durress.

Rum: Blech. Too sweet. Or am I confusing it with…

Gin: Too gross. Possibly too sweet? I don’t even remember how it tastes.

Anyway, if I was still young and self-conscious, I would feel weird about not drinking, and probably make myself drink anyway, or pretend to drink (water in a red plastic Solo cup, anyone?) but now I’m 32 so screw it. I hate the taste of alcohol. I am not going to drink alcohol, particularly at a restaurant where drinks are expensive and I haven’t actually finished one since my 21st birthday party, when my parents took me to Gulfport, MS and taught me to play BlackJack. (Later I went to Portugal and won $1500.) I don’t even drink soda or coffee. I’ll stick with water or chocolate milk.

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