Update on the Bank Fiasco

Previously on Occupy My Street: I wrote a nasty letter to the bank, asking them to close my second checking account, because the fees on it are $12/month. If I had $12/month, don’t you think I’d buy more candy, asshats?????

I realized that it’s almost mid-December and (1) the account I’d asked the bank to close is still open (2) the $12/month fee goes through around the 15th of the month.

I waited til after My Chemical Romance got paid before I contacted the bank, because I thought I’d have more of a leg to stand on if I had some money in another account with said bank, rather than an account that’s (1) overdrawn (2) credited nearly to the max (card with the same bank).

I used the bank’s automated Chat-With-An-Allegedly-Real-Person service.

“John”: “Hello. I’m with Big Bank. How may I help you?”

Me (types furiously, pounding keyboard): Cancel my second account. I’m tired of the exorbitant fees.

John: I’d be HAPPY to do that for you. Absolutely thrilled, Mrs. de Mommy! However, did you know you can keep the account and have no fees if you change it to a fee-free-blah-blah-blah account and never use a bank teller?

Me: Humph. Whatevs. Cancel the account!

John: I would LOVE TO help you. How about if I switch your account to a fee-free account AND refund you two months worth of fees?

Me: Ummmm. (Confidence shaking)

John: Please read this paperwork (sends link). Have you read it yet?

Me: Hang on, I’m reading…

John: Of course! I will be happy to wait for you, however long it takes! (I am not making that sentence up, I wrote it down so I could remember. Just like in Last of the Mohicans, right?!?!?!)

Me: Okay.

Now I’m crumpled with shame that I’ve stayed with Big Bank. All because they offered me $24 and no more fees. I’m sorry, Occupy! It’s like we’re in mid-December and the Big Bank invited me off the (cold) street and into their nice warm guest room.


2 Responses

  1. It makes my day when I see you have a new post – guaranteed LOL time! I’m Melissa Vose’s lurking mom.

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