The Lee County Fair Diaper Derby

When you have four young kids and then you have a new baby, nothing new is really NEW. I have seen it all, folks — although Porcelain does bite me more than the first four kids combined. I’ve seen first roll-overs, first words, first crawls, first steps, first birthdays.

Yesterday was my first Diaper Derby.

A Diaper Derby is a crawling contest for babies. Like Toddlers and Tiaras, but without the toddlers or tiaras or fancy clothes — however there were still stage moms. The mom next to me in Porcelain’s first heat held out an iPhone with a SpongeBob Squarepants game in the hopes that her baby would crawl toward it. She did not.

But let me back up —

Yesterday was a family day at My Chemical Romance’s new company. They opened the plant up to families, which is awesome because most manufacturing plants don’t allow children under 18 inside for safety reasons (duh). But this plant shut down production and had a family day, including tours of the plant and a health fair. Afterwards, there were tickets to the Lee County fair and lunch catered by a BBQ company. The weather was cold (for the south) and misting/drizzling, but that actually turned out to be an advantage, as the fair was pretty empty so the kids went on a ton of rides. And we were stopped at the entrance by the local high school’s young-child-development-class-or-maybe-another-phrase-for-teen-moms-to-be students who were signing up families for the Diaper Derby. I said, Yes, she qualifies (doesn’t walk yet), and yes, we’ll do it.

We had our lunch and went to the stage for the first heat. Porcelain was competing against two other babies. SpongeBob BabyPants and a little boy who looked like he was on the verge of crying the entire time but never actually did. Porcelain crawled toward me immediately… and stopped about two inches from the finish line. The other babies sat at the starting line, staring blankly at their mothers, while everyone cheered and yelled their babies’ names and shook keys and rattles (and iPhones). Porcelain sat there for minutes, and when I finally asked the official if she could be considered the winner, she crawled over the line.

For the finals, she competed against two babies, but this time one of the babies actually gave her a run for her money. This baby was crawling toward her mom from the minute the race began, and she won quickly. Porcelain was second. We cheered and started to leave the stage, but no–

First we had to do pictures with the students.

Then we did pictures with the sponsors.

Finally we received our prizes. Prizes! A book, some literature on developmental milestones blah blah blah and a $25 gift card!****

And a giant Second Place Ribbon! I am not the baby-book-making kind of mom (just the baby-making kind; tip your server) but after this experience, I’m considering it! My Chemical Romance and I couldn’t stop chuckling about our baby the crawling queen. The Lee County Fair Diaper Derby Second Place Winner!

Later today I’ll write about two other experiences at the fair: going on my formerly-favorite scary ride with Animal, in which he screamed and cried the entire time and I had to doula him through it; and eating fried Oreos. BEST.FOOD.EVER.

****We do not shop at Wal-Mart, so I’m going to try posting on Craigslist and trading it for a Target gift card.



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