State tax refund: We’re being audited.

My dad: “I was audited once. It was in 1966, if I remember correctly. I had a motorcycle!”

North Carolina: “You have six members of your household who claim no income — and you expect us to pay you???”

My Chemical Romance: “Meh, it’s no big deal.”

Me: “I am highly offended that we were chosen!”

My mom: “It’s just a random automated thing.”

Trees: “Why must they audit all the large families who have tons of birth certificates and social security cards and W2 and 1099 forms to copy?!?!?!? You’re killing us.”

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