Or, as I call him, “The Penis Cutting Doctor,” which is getting me into trouble with the children because (1) they take everything literally and are upset that daddy might lose his unit (2) when they ask why daddy is getting his penis cut off, and I tell them so we don’t have any more children, they have no idea what I’m talking about, so they inevitably ask what daddy’s penis has to do with having more children, to which I reply, “…Um….” and then point out a pretty bird in a pretty tree outside.
I’m just not ready for The Informant to explain the birds and the bees to every kid at the YMCA yet. She already tells them all that I had a baby on Christmas day — “On the toilet, just like Mary had Jesus!”
Meanwhile, I googled My Chemical Romance’s Urology doctor, and it turns out he has two user reviews. Both are sucktastic; one star and negative comments. This worries me a little. Do I want some guy with two negative reviews touching my husband’s package? And putting a needle in it, or something?
However, my fears are assuaged by the fact that a vasectomy is a very simple procedure (right???) and the negative reviews are both from men who seemed to have more complicated urological issues.
Sometimes, when all the kids are asleep, I look at My Chemical Romance and wonder if we really want to do something so permanent; like, what if in 10 years we want another one?
Then they all wake up and are fighting before the crack of dawn; The Informant has a voice that screeches like nails on a chalkboard; Animal can give serious teenage attitude at the age of eight; Mineral cries and howls dramatically at the drop of a pin; My Masterpiece is a contrary three-year-old whose favorite words are NO and MINE and I NOT TIRED MOMMY! I NOT! I NOT! NO NAP!
And I think, Why didn’t we do this sooner?