Teen Mom 2 Recap: Slippery Slope

While Oprah was in reruns all last week — seriously, O? Isn’t this, like, your farewell season? I think I’ve heard that mentioned a time or fourteen zillion; you could at least show some new episodes — I caught up on my reality TV.

Teen Mom 2:

1. Leah and Corey continue to be the cutest lil’hillbillies I’ve ever seen, and I continue to inadvertently cringe and shudder every time one of them opens their mouths. Remember, kiddies, two negatives is still a positive. “There ain’t nothing wrong” = there actually is something wrong. Little Miss Popular pointed out that Leah’s mom looks like an inbred victim of fetal alcohol syndrome, but I still got a little teary when she paid for Leah’s wedding dress.

2. Jenelle: it’s always two steps forward, five steps back with that one. She may be 19, but she acts like she’s 13. I wish she would either come home for good and mother her son, or leave for good and let her own mom take care of him. The boundaries are just nonexistent between the two of them, and I hate to see that carried on for another generation.

3. Chelsea: wins quote of the week when, after Adam called her a stupid fucking bitch for the 19th time in a row, she said, “I think our relationship may be on the rocks.” This is the same girl who thinks getting a GED is overwhelmingly difficult. However, I have some mom-love for her in my cold black heart; at least she wants to cuddle with little Aubree when she gives her a bottle of formula before bed. Everyone else seems just to prop bottles and walk away. Yes, Chelsea loves Aubree. Unfortunately she also loves Adam, the snotty little punk who spews every idiotic thought that goes through his pea-sized brain. Clearly the only person she doesn’t love is Chelsea. Le sigh.

4. Kailyn: From one ex-boyfriend who is a snotty little punk (but harmless) to an ex-boyfriend who is a possible sociopath and therefore quite harmful, I just wonder if MTV is keeping all these videos for the day when Jo actually kills Kailyn and his parents eagerly help him hide the body and Morgan J. Freeman has to testify in court about it. Seriously, that kid creeps me out. Maybe he is harmless in real life, but unlike Adam, Jo seems to actually think before he speaks, which makes his pronouncements of Kailyn as a whore and an unfit mother even more disturbing. And the way his parents are constantly enabling him to hurt Kailyn — mind you, the mother of his child! — seems just as awful. I want Kailyn and little Isaac to enter witness protection.

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