Life as a work at home mom.

I seriously do NOT understand how moms can work full-time. Not because I’d miss my kids (I wouldn’t). Not because I’m anti-feminist. Not because I think it’s important to depend 100% on my husband’s salary.

Because, how do you get anything done?

My Chemical Romance is ready to have his manhood removed. For the second time. (The first time was when we got married. Tip your waitress!) We have a really narrow window in which to schedule it; I want it done while my parents are visiting us in mid-March so I don’t have to care for six babies by myself. And yes, My Chemical Romance is a baby about pain. He passes out when he has to have his blood drawn.

The problem is, I don’t remember what penis-cutting doctor he saw when he had an initial appointment, and he wasn’t answering his cell phone at work (an infraction that drives me crazy! Especially when I’m pregnant; I spent the last two months of my pregnancy leaving him messages like, “Well, it’s a great thing I’m not calling you to say I’M IN LABOR SINCE YOU’RE NOT ANSWERING YOUR PHONE AND PROBABLY AREN’T EVEN GOING TO LISTEN TO THIS VOICEMAIL FOR A FEW DAYS, asshat”) so I spent two hours calling various penis-cutting doctor offices and trying to determine if they had him as a patient.

“Hi, this is Cinco de Mommy. My husband and I have five kids and I want him to have his penis cut off. Can you tell me if he had an appointment with you last year just before we got pregnant with our fifth kid? We’re not Catholic and we think children are a curse from the devil. His name is Mr. Cinco de Mommy, aka My Chemical Romance. Do you have a patient by that name in your records?”

And, I am not making this up, the first four places I called said NOPE, and I felt like a dumbass.

(Yeah, so my husband chose to see a penis-cutting doctor whose office is like 45 minutes away; it was the LAST office I would have called, had I not finally found the EOB for his visit last year.)

Finally I got it done. Had to schedule an initial consultation since things could have “changed” since his appointment last year — I snorted, “Things did change; we had ANOTHER baby” — and then schedule the actual vasectomy for a week or two later.

Also, I made an appointment with the vacuum-repairer, and checked on refills for my RX iron. This took up hours of my morning and technically I do NOTHING all day; so how do actual working moms get anything done?!?!?!? I haven’t cooked or cleaned anything today, and I only showered because I worried the oil in my hair was getting flammable.

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3 Responses

  1. “Lunch” breaks ::snort:: (on the up side its a good weight loss strategy) and outsourcing (I’d rather drop the dimes on a housecleaner/cook than a marriage therapist ANY.DAY.)

  2. With a cook/housecleaner, who needs therapy?

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