The yin and yang of Oprah

I used to love the big O. Love that! Aha moment! She is my favorite thing!

In Arizona, I had a friend who had done some work for Oprah — she was her floral decorator for a garden party in California — and then had actually been on her show. Of course when I heard that, I had to ask.  She said everyone asks, so I did: What’s Oprah like?

She said Oprah is powerful and decisive. (Diplomatic answer, right?) She did not say, Oprah is nice.

Here’s what I’ve learned about Oprah after watching her show for about the last 10 years:

1. She doesn’t like children.

Have you seen Oprah with kids on her show? She seems not to know what to do with them. Which is understandable, I suppose, for a woman who said her own baby’s death gave her a second chance. For which she’s grateful. Okay, so I’m a mom but I was still like, Ew.

2. She’s an emotionless robot

Recently I watched the show where Oprah was reunited with her half-sister. I swear, I cried harder than Oprah did. The sister, Patricia, was all, “I’m so happy to have found my family!” and Oprah was all, “I’m so happy you seem like the kind of person who might only ask me for a little money once in a while!”

3. She is very curt with her staff

I’m watching Season 25, Oprah Behind The Scenes, and she can cut those producers down with a look. They’re working their asses off — seriously, I pity the children of these Oprah producers because I bet they rarely see their parents — and she’s all, NO. I’m not cooking this while on a pseudo-camping trip. No, I’m only riding a donkey for 30 minutes.

4. She loves her iPad so much, she cried.

Srsly. When she was able to acquire 300 of them for her Favorite Things episode, she actually wept with joy because it has revolutionized her life that much.

On the other hand

1. If she had kids, she probably wouldn’t have even half the career she’s had today. And her career has benefitted a lot of people, from her tireless workers to bringing public awareness of sexual abuse of men.

2. I have like a total of 12 relatives — but My Chemical Romance has like 23525 — and I’m sure that everyone who is even an in-law of a cousin’s third wife’s nephew pesters her for money or time or product placement or a job or just SOMETHING. Also, she’s been burned; her other sister Pat sold the story about her baby to the media. So I can see where being a robot might be her way of having boundaries.

3. She’s basically working 24/7, as I’ve learned by watching Season 25 Oprah Behind the Scenes, so I suppose I can forgive a little snark. With great power comes great responsibility and yada yada, but Oprah is always Oprah and people worship her (like I did) and that is probably more than she even wanted for herself.

4. Apparently iPads really are great. And so is scrabble.

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